Attachment and Loss

I have to admit I am feeling pretty raw this morning. I woke up at 3:30, put more logs on the stove and couldn't get back to sleep. The wind was howling around the house and the moon was bright. The weather is sharp and bitter right now and I am planning on throwing myself into getting my writing organized for a workshop in March. We have also decided to volunteer to help the local humane society with their TV show and web site. For both of us, keeping busy helps. We are also involved in building a children's museum.

Friday and Saturday the rain poured down as if the heavens were crying and then the cold wind came and began to roar. We became a skating rink. The weather matched my mood. I am heartbroken to see the last traces of Ferg's little paws being blown away in the yard.

I want to say thank you for every email I have been getting and for the understanding I have received from my family, cat lovers all. When your heart has been captured by a very special feline soul it is blasted to pieces at their loss. Every note I gets helps. Just knowing that others understand.

The most extraordinary thing about Fergus is that he was a joyful being. He greeted the day with joy and excitement. He loved banging in and out the cat door for the allotted hours. He loved going out the window and down the cat stairs. He loved cuddling in the drawer with Silas, he loved to race up the stairs and fling himself at the second tier of the cat tree, catch it and do his "do not feed after midnight" pose. He loved sitting on my lap at night and when he snuggled up to my legs to sleep he pushed himself in as close as he could get. He loved the back yard, he loved the ponds, he loved the woods. The world was a wonderful place for him, full of love and interesting things to do. As our vet said, on seeing him the next to last time , "he is full of himself." Yes of course he was, he was a beautiful boy and he knew it. Our special name for him, "petite garcon."

I will be writing more about him. I have one story which is just a wishful feel better story for all of us and I am going to do a complete Fergus story with more of the great photos I have. My sister wants me to post a complete photo page so I will be working on that too. Thank you for all your support.